Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Eagerness or Impatience

We have made it safely to Virginia from Alaska in the past month. Our temporary living arrangement is comfortable by many global standards, if not American ones. We have been blessed with the resources to shop for a nice home, an option far beyond the reach of many in this world. I wish I could say that I'm simply grateful for that and that my mind is at rest, but I'm simply not there yet!

I awoke this morning thinking about the big decisions ahead of me and wondered why I'm thinking so far ahead of the moment I am in. Am I impatient to get settled or eager to start on the next adventure? Am I worrying about the decisions or wisely pondering the options before us? The answer to both questions is, "Yes!" I am both impatient and eager, worried and wise. Perhaps living with that paradox and not striving for perfection of heart will bring rest to my soul. My head knows that God, who brought us through the past nine months of major changes, has not abandoned me and has good plans for me. I know that He works in ways far beyond my comprehension and that He orchestrates many details ahead of revealing my next step to me. As a recovering perfectionist, I long for these facts to rule my mind and heart yet I know that being aware of them is progress in a healthy direction.

I am not naturally drawn to adventure. I love watching and celebrating others' exciting treks from the comfort of a stable, comfortable place. Without adventure, life is routine and quiet and quite possibly dull!  I married a man drawn to adventure and eager to see what's around every next corner of life. I have traveled a good part of this huge world as a result and want to do more! Perhaps the application to eagerness, impatience, worry and wisdom, is that in community, we can embrace life with more courage and joy than we could ever manage on our own. May we each seek and engage in a community of people that embolden us to think more freely and do more adventurous things than we might ever do on our own!

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